without you by my side

I fell out of love, I must confess. Love that was proliferating underneath our well-worn facade. I wildly lamented and howled at the crumbling of my shell and it was gnawing at me. Falling out of love was just a part of incessant, infinite fall. Over and over again. I shuddered with an unknown foreboding when you swept aside the damask curtain where I quelled, concealing a dour obsessive longing that rendered me at the mercy of my own desire, stalking every corner of my soul.

That dainty murmur of your hazel eyes debouching into my barren heart frantically bursting every known bank, careening along the sodden and mossy terrain making colossal oak trees keel over one after another. I hopelessly sought solace in my own yearning. I was a GMO who had completely lost the sense of the world. Who wasn’t aware of anything else in the universe. Was it me? Was it you? The presence of the world infringed upon the sovereignty of my soul. I fancied for something that was never mine… or was it all that I had at the moment? A fleeting glance of yours was my unrivalled saving grace decking out my days that turned into weeks, months, and years. As a matter of fact, it was the only moment when I was terribly excited for life. The elegance of your voice, the slow flutter of your lips, the pause between words…I couldn’t but love you. Each minute, every second all I was able to do was loving you. I was lost in a timeless moment with a maddening longing, an eternal famine of you. Dying inch by inch..Was it what being a human truly meant?

This being human is
a liability
a burden
without you by my side

I resolved to chance my luck
and betook myself to Saturnalia
calling out your name
with a maddening hopelessness

Birthing and dying
gazillion times
for a faint sign

Without you
by my side
this being human
equates to a cypher


Photo Courtesy: Pintesrest

Published by Smita Ray

Smita Ray is a mother of two lovely kids and hails from the northeastern town of India Gorakhpur. Her perpetual displeasure arising from the hypocrisy in the society underneath the semblance of religion, culture as well as the conditioning for compliance urged her to put down the impressions in her mind. In her spare time, she likes to have some culinary adventures with her kids.

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